The Price We Pay for Holding Other People's Stories

The Hidden Weight We Carry Do you ever feel like life can feel heavy, even when "big" things aren't happening to you? The weight isn't always yours to carry. Oftentimes, it's the stories, struggles, and secrets we hold for other people. 

As a therapist and relationship strategist, I've seen this pattern repeat in countless ways in my own life and the lives of the people around me. We hold space for others by being the safe people to share with, we shoulder the weight of their pain, we carry their trauma like a backpack we don't even know is there. But here's the thing: carrying someone else's story without boundaries does not heal them; it breaks you. In this blog, I explore what it means to carry other people's stories, how it impacts our relationships, health, and sense of self, and how we can shed that weight.

Why We Carry Other People's Stories As women, this story of being "too much" for people to handle is a common one. Our cultural conditioning, family roles, and even our own beautiful empathy can lead us to believe we must carry more than our fair share of emotional weight.

Some reasons we do this include: Cultural conditioning. Some cultures teach us from an early age that our value lies in how much we sacrifice for others. Family roles and dynamics. If you grew up being "the strong one" or "the listener," you may feel a sense of duty to hold everyone else's struggles.Unchecked empathy. Your empathy is a beautiful gift, but without boundaries, it can become over-responsibility. Empathy alone does not equal carrying other people's stories. Empathy without boundaries and self-awareness can lead us to believe that taking on other people's pain is the only way to love them.

The Price to Your Mental Health Carrying other people's stories can wreak havoc on your mental health without you even realizing it. Symptoms include:Emotional burnout. You wake up feeling drained, overwhelmed, or even resentful without understanding why.Anxiety and overthinking. When you carry another person's trauma, you may replay their story in your head like it's your job to solve it.Identity confusion. You can no longer separate your own story from the pain you've absorbed from others. I once had a client say, "I don't know where my pain ends and my mother's begins." That's the cost of carrying someone else's story—it blurs the boundaries of who you are.

The Price to Your Body Your body doesn't lie. When you carry other people's stories, it may show up as: Tight shoulders or jaw.Sleep issues or chronic fatigue.Digestive problems or stress-related illness.This is not "just stress." This is your body screaming: "This story is not mine to hold!"

The Price to Relationships Ironically, carrying other people's stories doesn't always lead to intimacy; it can drive them apart.Carrying the stories of others can lead to resentment towards the people you're "helping" or "supporting." They can become even more unconscious and passive-aggressive with you as you shoulder their weight. Your own needs, dreams, and voice become lost in the background noise. Loving someone without boundaries can become a form of self-betrayal.

How to Put Down the Weight (Without Abandoning People You Care About)I know, I know, it's easier said than done. But here are five steps to start letting go of what isn't yours to carry.

Name it. Say to yourself, out loud if you can: "This is not my story. This is their story."

Naming the problem creates separation. Practice boundary compassion. You can say, "I hear you, I love you, but I cannot carry this for you." Compassion does not equal over-responsibility.

Create rituals to release. Journaling, meditation, or visualizing yourself handing the story back can help you release it. Return to your own voice. Write, speak, or create around your own story. Spend time with your voice, so you don't lose it in other people's stories. Seek support. Therapists, coaches, and a supportive community can help you practice this skill without guilt.

Why This Matters for Your Future SelfDo you want to show up in your leadership potential? Heal generational patterns of people-pleasing? Or simply feel lighter day-to-day? This is the shift: Stop carrying people's stories and start witnessing them.Witnessing means you can see someone's pain, you can validate and hold space for them, without making it your own story. This isn't detachment or cold-hearted; it's empowering. It frees you to live your own story fully while still showing up for others in love.

Final TakeawayThe price we pay for holding other people's stories is too high. It robs us of our own. The more we learn to return the stories that aren't ours, the more space we create for our own story.

Want to Dive Deeper?If this article resonated with you, I’ll dive into this topic more from a personal place on my Sip & Heal: Tea and Therapy Talks podcast. Listen to the episode here: http://bit.ly/45vdH23 or on your favourite podcast carrier.